Yeah that's it.I actually want to be gay for a bit.what's so wrong with that? ok, so i do still LIKE boys (and men) but I'm having such a hard time with them at the moment ( and for once, an ex ISN'T involved!) that I just can't stand the sight of another willy.
It's been a while since ive indulged in a bit of rough with the ladies anyway, and i'm starting to think that maybe id be better off if i just threw caution to the wind and legged it to the very peak of the gayest hill in Gaydor.If anyone knows the way, please show me....:S
Sorry if i sound like im talking a load of codshit today, can't really help it considering my latest predicament.Mum's having another one of her 'funny turns' and i genuinely feel like i might crack at any moment.Life seemed to be treating me so kindly up till now, what with me finally giving something to the community and thus reinstating a sense of self-worth.Only yet again,my guardian angel succumbs to the shiny bleeding gates of hell and abandons me for one more tryst with that filthy red bastard downstairs....I should have known better than to listen to that bitch.
What am i actually getting at here, you may ask? well, I have to vent my anger somehow.Is it anger?i can't be angry at mum, as i know it's not her fault...it's her upbringing blah blah blah but if happiness rests upon taking responsibility for our own actions, then is her condition a case of karmic consequence? Is she now resigned to a lifetime of suffering due to her inability to stand up to her demons all those years ago? hmm.deep stuff, you may conclude.Yes, i've been reading the self-help books again.Unfortunately i give myself a headache by asking myself such questions, trying to find reasoning from a world that is beyond the verbalised..I have to do it for the sake of my own sanity,driving myself towards INsanity in the process but i am guided by the promise of otherworldly connections and spiritual awareness at the end...(according to my latest read.)
Anyway, changing topic somewhat cos i don't want to bore you to death,I had an interview last wednesday for a full time trainee post at a nursery, fingers crossed.I'm not getting complacent, but the interview DID go really well so my point exactly :) I'm ok otherwise i guess, I'm slowly realising my own self-destructive triggers so no matter how nervous and crappy i feel,i somehow manage to keep my head above the slurry :)....hmm what else is going on? Just seen the new star trek movie, will say that i am thoroughly impressed even though i am completely clueless about anything other than what the starship enterprise is :P LOL
I think this is enough for now, i'm still working on persuading the parents to buy broadband, I havent got a penny still so i'm continuing to rape the facailities at my local library until my indoctrinations prove successful!
If there's anything you want to ask me, anything at all,please e-mail or drop me a tweet, you know where i am!
Thought of the day:
It is better to light one candle than forever curse the darkness.