Saturday, 30 May 2009

Dogsbody,mind and soul :)


So, good things do indeed come to those who wait.completely contradicts my present view of actions reap rewards....but then again I guess life itself is a contradiction.We live in a vast shifting sand of opposites which are in fact entwined in a far greater world of glorious impermanence.... what angers me is that the vast majority of us Westerners are blind to it. Driven by image and the dangerous limitations of our humble five senses,we seek power in the external, the bloody trappings of the material realm. We cling like limpets to these mere mind-objects which cast our eyes away from the beauty of pure existence-the concept of oneness with our surroundings and the sanctity of every life form, on every scale, within them.
Yeah, here i go again you might say, but truth be told I'm slowly but surely tapping into something exciting here. You see, this is because i have discovered the art of mindfulness-or at least the notion that this is no longer is real and completely within my grasp.As I surveyed the great beyond,it suddenly dawned on me how peaceful one's mind can be when one simply sits back, and looks, without judgement.I closed my eyes and focussed my complete attention on my own breath. (it IS possible to do this, trust me) with each breath, i felt the earth's energy wash away all the tension within my body.amazing! It's almost like i was so focussed on that one thing, my breathing, that my body suddenly 'forgot' to feel pain...tres strange,but nonetheless thoroughly enjoyable and empowering.I'm also convinced that i've been either a cat or a dog in a past life.This afternoon i had TWO dogs run up to me-one pretty much flopped down into my lap (!!!) and the other presented me with a chewed-up football that he was SO asking me to throw, so i was like 'there ye go ye crazy mutt, FETCH!' both encounters were met with a profound sense of interconnection, of oneness-exchanges of the same energy I had used earlier to 'heal' my aching limbs.This,however, is what the experience meant to me.I don't give a damn if your'e reading this thinking i'm stark staring mad, cos i am, and i'm quite comfortable with it thank you!
I'm not sure if i would have felt that connection had i not meditated,but the fact remains that I experienced something of a divine nature and that, my friends, is a gift.I may not have been awfully productive today (other than getting burnt) but I was most definitely momentarily enlightened :)
anyway, in other news....i'm awaiting a phonecall/e-mail next week about a start date for my new job, I can finally relax and know that my life is happening perfectly-all because I know that change is the way of the Geminian, and I had welcomed the nature of change,of impermanence, into my life,with open arms.I have gotten what I wanted by not striving to meet these 'norms' that only we, as a race, deal ourselves.I'm definitely trying yoga next week :)

thought of the day:If i ignore it, maybe the problem will go away - wonder if this applies to sunburn :S

Monday, 18 May 2009

I'm so gay that I don't even like boys :(

Hey minions,
Yeah that's it.I actually want to be gay for a bit.what's so wrong with that? ok, so i do still LIKE boys (and men) but I'm having such a hard time with them at the moment ( and for once, an ex ISN'T involved!) that I just can't stand the sight of another willy.
It's been a while since ive indulged in a bit of rough with the ladies anyway, and i'm starting to think that maybe id be better off if i just threw caution to the wind and legged it to the very peak of the gayest hill in Gaydor.If anyone knows the way, please show me....:S
Sorry if i sound like im talking a load of codshit today, can't really help it considering my latest predicament.Mum's having another one of her 'funny turns' and i genuinely feel like i might crack at any moment.Life seemed to be treating me so kindly up till now, what with me finally giving something to the community and thus reinstating a sense of self-worth.Only yet again,my guardian angel succumbs to the shiny bleeding gates of hell and abandons me for one more tryst with that filthy red bastard downstairs....I should have known better than to listen to that bitch.
What am i actually getting at here, you may ask? well, I have to vent my anger somehow.Is it anger?i can't be angry at mum, as i know it's not her's her upbringing blah blah blah but if happiness rests upon taking responsibility for our own actions, then is her condition a case of karmic consequence? Is she now resigned to a lifetime of suffering due to her inability to stand up to her demons all those years ago? hmm.deep stuff, you may conclude.Yes, i've been reading the self-help books again.Unfortunately i give myself a headache by asking myself such questions, trying to find reasoning from a world that is beyond the verbalised..I have to do it for the sake of my own sanity,driving myself towards INsanity in the process but i am guided by the promise of otherworldly connections and spiritual awareness at the end...(according to my latest read.)
Anyway, changing topic somewhat cos i don't want to bore you to death,I had an interview last wednesday for a full time trainee post at a nursery, fingers crossed.I'm not getting complacent, but the interview DID go really well so my point exactly :) I'm ok otherwise i guess, I'm slowly realising my own self-destructive triggers so no matter how nervous and crappy i feel,i somehow manage to keep my head above the slurry :)....hmm what else is going on? Just seen the new star trek movie, will say that i am thoroughly impressed even though i am completely clueless about anything other than what the starship enterprise is :P LOL
I think this is enough for now, i'm still working on persuading the parents to buy broadband, I havent got a penny still so i'm continuing to rape the facailities at my local library until my indoctrinations prove successful!

If there's anything you want to ask me, anything at all,please e-mail or drop me a tweet, you know where i am!

Thought of the day:
It is better to light one candle than forever curse the darkness.

much love.XX